I’m a serious lawyer…

If you know me then you know I like to have fun. And where better to do it than in a serious felony jury trial. How, you ask? By filing a statement of facts in early modern English. I wish I could find the file stamped copy. It exists. Here’s how it looked:

To anyone complaining that I’m not a serious lawyer: I am a serious lawyer! When the occasion calls for it, that is. Here, let me prove it by telling you about my magnum opus 995 battle against a superior court one time. Taking on the superior court, by the way, is like taking on a balrog in lawyer Middle Earth - a foe way beyond any of us. So this battle began after the superior court denied my 995 in a multiple codefendant special circumstances murder case. We then petitioned for a writ of mandate in the 6th District Court of Appeal - this is basically an order to the superior court to correct something it did wrong. A writ of mandate reversing a holding order is like, super rare too. I’m not just saying that because we succeeded, either (spoiler alert.)

In a published opinion, the 6DCA directed the superior court to vacate its order denying my 995 and enter a new order granting it. Also, these weren’t just any ol’ mandamus proceedings. The superior court submitted several responses to the writ petition, arguing that the writ directly affected its operations and procedures or may impose financial obligations that would directly affect its operations. Still, the 6DCA said “we are the servants of the secret fire, wielders of the flame of Anor and you cannot pass” and then ruled in our favor. Then everyone stood up and clapped for me and the DA’s pants fell down in court. The quote and pants falling down didn’t actually happen. Would be cool if it did though.

Davis: 1

Balrog: 0

To be clear: I did NOT handle the writ! A lawyer way smarter than I am handled it. It was just my trial court litigation that was the subject. I would say I was like Sam during the writ proceedings :)